You get inspired by a lot of
things in life, a movie, a book, a song or anything else and you wonder how you
still live in a box when you have all these illusions of a person in the
limelight or at least a person who makes every moment count at a very low key
and I prefer the latter, but you are stiff and so still while your heart wanders
off into that world of no regrets and carefree land and you want to make a
change. The things I need is never far
from home or better yet my home with my family where I feel safe is just
perfect, in front of the computer or the television or with that one friend meant you
didn’t need to socialize in public, an introvert appreciating life with offers
of no challenge at all. Then in the
blink of an eye you find yourself
in college having to make that
one decision which will make you see the change you always needed, and just to
set things straight I hate change and
have issues of letting go from the tiniest things to the bigger non material
stuff, I still have an empty bottle of perfume my mother gave me when I was
much younger. So, inspired by all the things I’ve seen and read I decided to face
my fears and just make a change and move to Agra, a start on a new chapter
where I will be facing life as an industrial trainee. First page, I missed my
train and the irony of this is that the train
stood there right in front of me for the longest time and I just watched it
move away the same way I saw it coming
into the station, why I made that stupid move or did not move at all, I don’t
know all I remember is that I cried then
at that very spot where a few minutes ago I made a call to my parents and
assured them I would be okhay and that I
could take care of myself, in the middle of the night, the station creepy as
hell when all there’s left is an echo of the last train whistling away to its destination. ‘Whistles and Trains and
Tracks , Oh my !’,say these words and give me the shivers, but it’s not a dare and I hope to
outgrow this crazy fear but I’ll take my time or make it my ultimate New Year’s
resolution.
I will turn the page and relive
the life I once knew in a place as quite as a lighthouse beaming with
light in the middle of the ocean. A crowd of unfamiliar faces with a smile
which confused me for a while, happy to see a new face or happy to see me
struggle my way out of a task I must conquer. A few weeks at work and you are
filled with anger, despising the people who chose to discourage the lives of the
weak and the unarmed, shoving their power down people’s throat because you are
in an industry where perfection comes from all the hardwork of the unknown who
has forgotten how beautiful a smile is when your dancing in the rain and your
soaking wet but leisure is just another word or a fantasy. And in the middle of it all you find yourself
appreciating life and it’s struggles and the drive it gives you to succeed,
nonetheless. And I can tell it as I am reading a line from a story, that I once knew of a world filled with the most
expensive chandeliers, paintings, jewelries and the most sophisticated people
you’d ever meet but still feel trapped and imprisoned by beauty which no longer holds it’s par .
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| Took this photo during one of my endless night shifts. |
When all you can do is wait, wait
and wait a little more, you can hear the footsteps of frustration coming towards
you but that little strength left in you keeps the door closed and struggles not to give in just yet because you feel
someone watching over you, with prayers from your mother and love from you father.
And then through that spotless glass above the grand staircase,you look out to
see the Taj Mahal standing afar, my
silver lining, to witness this symbol of love everyday through sunrise and
sunsets, through the rough season of monsoon, clouds, lightnings ,a different
vibe with every change in the air, I realized it had inspired me all along , to
love someone, expecting nothing in return.I learned to control my own emotions
but I know as long as my soul is in peace with my body I will always have a
fear of one thing or another, for that hundred and fifty three days journey still
holds a flag of defeat that I may never mistake that one fear for weakness
and face it just because I did it that
one time or conquer that bootless idea of the fear of fear itself.
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| The Taj Mahal stands afar. |
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| I see it everyday during my stay there but I've actually been to the the Taj Mahal only once ! |
