I voted for Girls' Generation's "I Got a Boy" to win Video of the Year a...

http://www.youtube.com/v/OJd-zc1aNRc?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&feature=share&autohide=1&attribution_tag=SCwCHvYPfUI_thc2BfsyEg&autoplay=1

A Silent Defeat

You get inspired by a lot of things in life, a movie, a book, a song or anything else and you wonder how you still live in a box when you have all these illusions of a person in the limelight or at least a person who makes every moment count at a very low key and I prefer the latter, but you are stiff and so still while your heart wanders off into that world of no regrets and carefree land and you want to make a change. The things I need is never far from home or better yet my home with my family where I feel safe is just perfect, in front of the computer or the television or with that one friend meant you didn’t need to socialize in public, an introvert appreciating life with offers of  no challenge at all. Then in the blink of an eye you  find  yourself  in college having to make that one decision which will make you see the change you always needed, and just to set things straight I hate change and have issues of letting go from the tiniest things to the bigger non material stuff, I still have an empty bottle of perfume my mother gave me when I was much younger. So, inspired by all the things I’ve seen and read I decided to face my fears and just make a change and move to Agra, a start on a new chapter where I will be facing life as an industrial trainee. First page, I missed my train and the irony of this is that the train stood there right in front of me for the longest time and I just watched it move away the same way I  saw it coming into the station, why I made that stupid move or did not move at all, I don’t know all I  remember is that I cried then at that very spot where a few minutes ago I made a call to my parents and assured  them I would be okhay and that I could take care of myself, in the middle of the night, the station creepy as hell when all there’s left is an echo of the last train whistling away  to its destination. ‘Whistles and Trains and Tracks , Oh my !’,say these words and give me the shivers, but it’s not a dare and I hope to outgrow this crazy fear but I’ll take my time or make it my ultimate New Year’s resolution.

I will turn the page and relive the life I once knew in a place as quite as a lighthouse beaming  with  light in the middle of the ocean. A crowd of unfamiliar faces with a smile which confused me for a while, happy to see a new face or happy to see me struggle my way out of a task I must conquer. A few weeks at work and you are filled with anger, despising the people who chose to discourage the lives of the weak and the unarmed, shoving their power down people’s throat because you are in an industry where perfection comes from all the hardwork of the unknown who has forgotten how beautiful a smile is when your dancing in the rain and your soaking wet but leisure is just another word or a fantasy. And  in the middle of it all you find yourself appreciating life and it’s struggles and the drive it gives you to succeed, nonetheless. And I can tell it as I am reading a line from a story, that I once knew of a world filled with the most expensive chandeliers, paintings, jewelries and the most sophisticated people you’d ever meet but still feel trapped and imprisoned by beauty which no longer  holds it’s par .

Took this photo during one of my endless night shifts.

                                        

When all you can do is wait, wait and wait a little more, you can hear the footsteps of frustration coming towards you but that little strength left in you keeps the door closed and struggles not to give in just yet because you feel someone watching over you, with prayers from your mother and love from you father. And then through that spotless glass above the grand staircase,you look out to see the Taj Mahal standing afar, my silver lining, to witness this symbol of love everyday through sunrise and sunsets, through the rough season of monsoon, clouds, lightnings ,a different vibe with every change in the air, I realized it had inspired me all along , to love someone, expecting nothing in return.I learned to control my own emotions but I know as long as my soul is in peace with my body I will always have a fear of one thing or another, for that hundred and fifty three days journey still holds a flag of defeat that I  may  never mistake that one fear for weakness and  face it just  because I did it that one time or conquer that bootless idea of the  fear of fear itself. 

The Taj Mahal stands afar.

 I see it everyday during my stay there but I've actually been to the the Taj Mahal only once !

                                                                               

Little Shadow

Have you ever felt coldness at it's best?..well I haven't but it sure is freezing at this end,my hands are cold and my heart is too...cheezy much, huh? lol.Heartaches at this age 'That's absurd', one might think but I've felt the cold embrace,as I write these very words I am shivering and the first lines would already explain why.Writing about this would only make me the weaker person but I hear my friends tell me that all the time so it's no big deal :).Friends, I wonder what they are doing right now but then again I know exactly what they are up to..bored ,watching a movie,reading a book,crying their eyes out,having a photoshoot or maybe pondering on what they're gonna wear the next day in college or....nothing else comes in mind, maybe I should ring them up and prove myself right!Okhay,where was I?Yes..I felt a cold breeze gently sweeping by an unpleasant kind and waking up,there I was in tears a lost soul not because I found out I had an illness and would die young and innocent...'Thank God'!but it just hit me I had lost a friend one of my soulmates along the tracks,good laughs through the years,promises along the way,a bond so ever true..a picture so clearly framed in flames as life embarks a new sign 'Walk away and let it be',but this twenty year old wishes the sign had more space for 'Just let it go',or maybe it was there all along...gosh my vague eyesight!A good number of days in pretence 'Im okhay', I know I will be.A hundred and fifty three days,I had my fair share of Time and Space,a place where I found my solitude,I was least alone..a story yet to be told,I conquered loneliness and now suddenly I feel powerful:).I could go on and on but I would only end up where I started 'Heartaches',but in this I find my peace..I will always have a friend yapping about the cold weather or sing me a new song everytime I go back home,a smile on my face,we are infinite!.